3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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