You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She told me I should be a condom model.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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