I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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