I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
