i think my tv is drunk
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
