just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
