So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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