I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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