We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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