i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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