My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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