Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
