dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
