we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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