Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize