im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
