well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
