Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
