You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
