He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
