I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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