sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had sex on a roof
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
