I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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