Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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