I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
did i just pee glitter
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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