There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
