Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
