ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
