i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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