Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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