the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
