i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
