I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
