Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i need some magic done to my vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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