This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
