That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
