Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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