I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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