I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
