So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
