I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize