Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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