I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
