What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
