I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
