It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
