I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
