the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
