true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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