Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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