I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
