you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
