I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
