I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
