She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
