Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
