the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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