My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
