Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
