Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
