im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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