So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
