I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize