i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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