bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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