when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
