I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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