Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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