I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Randomize
