Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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