Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
