he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
