I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
