I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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