Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize