i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
