You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
